Healing My Hoarding.

Yes.  It’s true.  I’m a hoarder.

Not your typical ‘hoarder’ either… I hoard something that most people could give a hoot about… but they are things I am so passionate about that I hold onto them like everyone is going to rip them away from me if I even open the lid to let anyone experience their sweetness.

I hoard Photos.  (and stories and comedy sketches, but one thing at a time, okay!)

I’m super serious here.  I am a photo-hoarding monster.  I have literally (no lie) thousands and thousands of photos, hundreds and hundreds of gigabytes of photos – and I’m not just talking the silly ones of my dog laying on the laundry like the queen of england or me with my face painted looking like a freakish ogre… I’m talking epic, monumental, once in a lifetime – dream of a photo.

I hoard those.

Pssshhhht, this is the part where you might be thinking, “hey I didn’t know you were a Photographer?” – and I’m ‘not’ technically… but I have, and it took me a while to grow into this and claim it, but I have an *eye* for photography and film.  It just comes natural to me it seems.  (again, this has been a challenge for me to grow into because I didn’t go to school for any of this… it just came out of me like a rainbow shooting out of my belly.)

I also hoard my cheesey nature.  Whew, the first step to healing is admitting it, right?  I’m already feeling better.  😉

But I hoard for good reasons… don’t we all?  I keep thinking I’m going to *do something* with them and turn them into something fun & fancy.  (again, don’t we all?  we all have SOMETHING we are holding onto to make into something fun and fancy… or special… or nostalgic… or *monumental*)  Another reason I am hoarding them is because they are *mine* – my own moments – my own experiences, captured, by my own hands, my own lens… they are an extension of my expression of Life… how I see it, live it, breathe it… how I appreciate it… they are so precious to me that I have just been sitting on them in fear of someone taking away from me what feels like IS a part of me.  I KNOOOOWWW, CRAAAAAZZY, I know.

Perhaps we can go deeper here.

Perhaps there were few things in my life that I’ve ever felt were *mine*?
(old story: growing up with two older sisters, a lot of things were second hand)
(new story: i got a lot of my own brand new toys that i treasured and loved to pieces!  – literally to pieces… i kept everything until it fell apart)

Perhaps there were few things that I considered an expression of *my* heArt?
(old story: i can’t paint, sing, or professionally dance (to name a few)… so, what is my talent?)
(new story: i have infinite gifts to share with the world… and the ones that show themselves a lot are the ones around comedy, connection, and community… photography and film are my tools, my paintbrush, my mic, my piano… but don’t think you are going to get out of me singing… that is very much a part of my comedy here, folks!) 🙂

And yet but of course, every moment, every day, presents itself with an infinite possibility of choices… and today, I choose to share these gems, my very treasures that I hold so dear to my seriously silly heart.  While I’m at it…

I choose to heal and dissolve these hoarding patterns.
I choose to share these most precious and deepest parts of me.
I choose to share all of the love, joy, grace, and gratitude I feel about life, love, and unity.
I choose to share my heart, my stories (both old and new), with my full presence.
I choose to share my gifts, laughs, and hugs with the world… even more.

In-joy a few photos of the beautiful place I call home, Venice Beach, California.  All taken and edited with my iPhone.

Venice Beach ~ June 2012

Double Venice Sign ~ March 2012

Beach Fog rolling in the Sunsets Blaze ~ February 2012

huge*heart*hugs,
tiff  ♥

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2 thoughts on “Healing My Hoarding.

  1. I hoard candy bar wrappers, playing card jesters, pirate treasure, crystals, every personal postcard anyone has ever sent me, the comic books of my youth, my favorite children’s books, any reference related to pirates, posters, comic books, advertising history, hippies, all my files for teaching any of these, and related film history, paperback history, pulp magazines, trashy with pictures I find in the street, match books that I collected in 1978, hats, puppets, and of course every photo I ever took. I am committed to letting go of most of it so I can enjoy a less cluttered life. Almost everything is on the internet, and paper turns to dust, as do we all. Love and Creativity!

    • Thank you so much for sharing Robert! It sounds a lot like my collection of memorabilia that I have let go of throughout the years… it is a constant creative process, that I have come to really enjoy now.

      For me, the hoarding of my photos and videos is because I was feeling afraid to share and get noticed… afraid someone would like, love, or heaven forbid, want me to come work with them in some way creatively. (you know, and then get BIG in some way, AHHHHH!!!!) It’s the comfort in staying small, under the radar, and in control… it’s safe there, I know what to expect. If I put myself out there, I have no control or way of how that is going to turn out… and that scared me. I truly believe these are the fears that keep us in these continuing hoarding patterns of our gifts, purpose, natural state of well being and the excuses, beliefs, and judgements we make and attach to them that keep us constantly in search for it, working towards it, or waiting to achieve. The patterns and cycles get pretty exhausting, if you ask me. I have simply surrendered to it all.

      After much leaning into the discomfort and riding the roller-coaster of waves in healing; I am grateful for these lessons (aka painful and discomforting moments). A shift in perception is always a helpful forgiving friend.

      Be Well & Big Hugs,
      Tiff

      And if you want to share a photo of your memorabilia, I’d love to see it! Maybe you can post it on here: http://www.facebook.com/iamtiffanypeterson

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